In Need Of Help
by Pokota
Summary: Gilderoy Lockhart hands the keys to his Witch Weekly fiction serial over to the masses in preparation for his teaching stint at Hogwarts. (Takes places inside of Sarah1281's Oh God Not Again)


_AN: This actually takes place inside of Sarah1281's "Oh God Not Again" as opposed to taking place in Canon or within a story of my own devising._

* * *

_Hello, my beloved readers! _

_As you are well aware, I will be taking up a post at Hogwarts during the next term! Unfortunately, I will therefore be unable to continue my Witch Weekly column during that time. You'll just have to do without my charming smile for the time being._

Gilderoy Lockhart crumpled up yet another piece of parchment. It wasn't easy to admit that he needed assistance. It was even less easy when there wasn't a convenient target for obliviation to steal ideas from. No, he would have to find some way of continuing his column despite being at Hogwarts (where the legendary Harry Potter was going to be). And if rumors were to be believed, well, not only had Harry Potter led several of his friends against a fully-grown mountain troll on Halloween, but also had taken three of his friends to fight off his predecessor in the culmination of last year's Annual Hogwarts Mystery.

_Hello, my beloved readers!_

_Sadly, my face will not be gracing the pages of Witch Weekly for the next few months, for I am proud to officially announce my acceptance of the position of Defense Against The Dark Arts Professor (or DADA, if you truly wish to shorten such a lengthy subject – not that I'd blame you) for the upcoming year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry!_

That was better, and more in tune with his established style. Still, even with Dumbledore assuring him that the castle was impenetrable to the likes of Sirius Black – thank God that Black had left for Spain instead of coming back to the Isles – there was always a certain apprehension when accepting a position at Hogwarts, walking death-trap that it was. Granted, no student had died on-grounds since Myrtle Wilkins had died mysteriously in 1943, but with the students and the house pride and the yelling and the screaming...

_What does this mean for you, my beloved readers? Well, Witch Weekly originally approached me with an offer to serialize my less-well-known fictional stories, and that has supplied me with enough reliable income to permit me to basically retire from regular work – but a warrior like myself grows restless, after all! I have found that the quiet life of an author is just too far from the front lines for my tastes. Yet, as I recounted in _Wanderings With Werewolves_, the world would be so much better off with more warriors of love and justice – hence my teaching at Hogwarts this term._

He paused here. He'd gotten off track and he knew it, but all the better that his readers re-read the story – even if he'd had to change who exactly had done it, it still happened. To be perfectly honest he began each book with the phrase "Names have been changed to protect the innocent – and the less-than-innocent", so it's not as though he was outright claiming to have done those things. Kind of. Well, okay, admittedly he _heavily implied_ that he did them, especially since he always used his own name in place of the hero, and he _almost_ always obliviated those truly responsible for saving the day -_Year With A Yeti_ being the only exception, as what was written in the book actually _was_ his own heroism. That wasn't _quite_ stealing, was it?

_I've gotten off-track. Many of you readers have submitted your own ideas to me on how the story should continue. Up until now, I've not been able to read your ideas for legal reasons – after all, it behooves not to use someone else's work as your own, and that's what would have happened in that instance. But times have changed! My editor at Witch Weekly has agreed with me on this point – that you, the readers, should now be in charge of how this series continues! _

He shook his head in frustration. There was that blasted conscience of his again. Maybe it would be better for him to come clean about his "exploits", flee the country and hide in a backwater place like, say, Callisto. It'd use up a lot of power to keep him warm and aerated and fed and otherwise NOT DEAD out in the Jovian Moons, but it was probably the safest place for him if he ever did out himself.

_I sincerely look forward to your continuations of this story. Yours forever smiling, Gilderoy Lockhart. _

That should do nicely. Now to forward this off to his editor and start preparing his curriculum for the coming year. Perhaps he could even use this to boost his book sales a bit...

* * *

_AN: So this is a roundabout way of me saying that I'll be looking for a co-author in the near future. I've recently come to the realization that I can no longer tell the stories that I want to tell just by myself. I do have certain criteria that I'm looking for, and I would prefer someone who already has experience as a writer, but I will give everyone who is interested a fair chance. If you're interested, send me a message._


End file.
